THE BAND SONG

Glasgow, Dundee, Gairloch and Kyle
We played them all and we played with style
Helmsdale, Smithton and Aberdeen
When we started out I was just sixteen

In Golspie we played in my old school
Doug and Rob thought it really cool
But we had laid on too much drink
We were drinking Irn Bru for a week I think

Glasgow, Dundee, Gairloch and Kyle
We played them all and we played with style
Helmsdale, Smithton and Aberdeen
Rob plays the drums and the tambourine

When Donald turned fifty we had a do
At Leith Town Hall and Glenrothes too
No sunshine on Leith or coopers in Fife
But Donald Forsyth had the time of his life

Glasgow, Dundee, Gairloch and Kyle
We played them all and we played with style
Helmsdale, Smithton and Aberdeen
Donald on guitar is a mean machine

We played the Picnic at Loch Ness
Down a great big hill our gear was a mess
Our PA grabbed by a motley crew
In the howling wind our lips turned blue

Glasgow, Dundee, Gairloch and Kyle
We played them all and we played with style
Helmsdale, Smithton and Aberdeen
No one blows the horn like Big Jon Green

We played a gig in Kildonan Hall
It’s my home turf, so we had a ball
The three stags’ heads looked very queer
So the fee for the hall was really deer

Glasgow, Dundee, Gairloch and Kyle
We played them all and we played with style
Helmsdale, Smithton and Aberdeen
Cailean on the keys always looks serene

For a birthday do for my cousin Jake
He wanted a gig in Edinburgh zoo
But the chimp on guitar was a big mistake
And the elephant on the trumpet too

Glasgow, Dundee, Gairloch and Kyle
We played them all and we played with style
Helmsdale, Smithton and Aberdeen
Rebecca’s backing vocals are just supreme

Through my friend Bob we got the gig
So in Shotts Prison we had a bash
With disease and drugs, I nearly died
Impersonating Johnny Cash

Glasgow, Dundee, Gairloch and Kyle
We played them all and we played with style
Helmsdale, Smithton and Aberdeen
Doug played the bass - so he was keen!

In Elgin town we put on a show
But before I left it began to snow
All up Strathspey I skidded the van
But on the A9 “I was the man”

Glasgow, Dundee, Gairloch and Kyle
We played them all and we played with style
Helmsdale, Smithton and Aberdeen
Driving hard like Steve MacQueen

In Livingston the band played really hot
The temperature was rising off the scale
So I took off my shirt and I took of my top
The crowd thought this was beyond the pale

Glasgow, Dundee, Gairloch and Kyle
We played them all and we played with style
Helmsdale, Smithton and Aberdeen
And we never did anything remotely obscene

We’ve played many times in Campbeltown
And every time we brought the house down
But a guy walked out which made us weep
Couldn’t stand our singing about all these sheep

Glasgow, Dundee, Gairloch and Kyle
We played them all and we played with style
Helmsdale, Smithton and Aberdeen
Phil on the bass looks moody and mean

We played at bonny Oban bay
Olivia had a puncture on the way
So off to the rescue went Jimmy B
She was so sick she couldn’t eat her tea

Glasgow, Dundee, Gairloch and Kyle
We played them all and we played with style
Helmsdale, Smithton and Aberdeen
Olivia on the fiddle should be on the big screen

Then there was the flood in Gardenstown
In stair-rods the rain was coming down
I was in the van so I was fine
But the rest of the band they nearly drowned

Glasgow, Dundee, Gairloch and Kyle
We played them all and we played with style
Helmsdale, Smithton and Aberdeen
You haven’t heard us! What do you mean?!

© Alex J MacDonald